MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS DOES THE JOB
How to improve your mood.
Before we dive in, there’s a gift for you at the end of the note. If you make it to the end, I’ll be waiting to hear from you. Enjoy! :).
Say, on a routine day, something unexpected happens. You may feel out of control of your emotions, nervous, or overwhelmed all of a sudden.
You may have heard the typical self-help punchline "stop and take a breath" as well as the less beneficial one, "simply control yourself." Despite that, you still get the strange sensation that your emotions are in the driver's seat, controlling you all the way.
Everyone occasionally struggles to manage their emotional outbursts; it's just part of being human. But if it occurs frequently, how can you manage it? How can you control your feelings? How do you ensure that you're not overwhelmed?
Remembering that your feelings are there for a reason can be helpful when you have overwhelming emotions. An emotion cannot be "bad," as such. Try, if you can, to be grateful for your feelings because they are full of useful information. Try, if you can, to accept all feelings as your friends.
With some effort on your part, a few techniques and professional support, it is possible to learn how to properly manage your emotions and avoid letting them overwhelm you.
SELF-REGULATION
Have you hared the term self-regulation? It is the ability to experience your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and decide how to react in a way that is beneficial to both you and other people.
Did you know that we are born without the ability to self-regulate? We actually depend on our primary caregiver as children to help us regulate our emotions.
As we grow, our understanding of our emotions and our belief that we can manage them can be greatly influenced by the emotional management behaviours and messages our caregivers set for us
.
Adults and teenagers who did not grow up in a nurturing atmosphere may find it more challenging to control their emotions. Don't give up if you recognize yourself in this. Many techniques are effective.
Identify What You’re Feeling.
A good place to start is by taking back control by taking a moment to check in with your mood.
You can interrupt yourself by asking:
- What am I feeling at the moment? (disappointed, perplexed, and enraged)
- What has happened to cause me to feel this way?
- Does the situation have a different explanation that might make sense?
- How do I want to handle these emotions? (Scream, hurl objects to express my annoyance, and send an offensive SMS back.)
- Is there a better method for handling them?
It could take some time before this reaction becomes ingrained in you. Practice will make it simpler to mentally do these actions (and more effective).
Instead of suppression, strive for regulation.
For some adaptive reasons, we have learned to suppress our emotions rather than regulate them. stifling our feelings doesn't get rid of them. It just goes down and keeps piling up waiting to manifest in some way. And it certainly will.
You restrict yourself from feeling and expressing emotions when you intentionally (suppress) or unintentionally (repress) them. This can lead to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, difficulty managing stress, substance use/abuse, etc.
Make sure you aren't just brushing your emotions under the rug when you are trying to control them. It's important to strike a balance between having too many feelings and having none at all for healthy emotional expression.
Deep breathing.
Breathing sounds like cliché, but I bet you it's not!
The fight, flight, or freeze response goes into overdrive when you are emotionally overwhelmed, making it impossible to think clearly and feel your emotions at the same time.
It's difficult or impossible to absorb what other people are saying when you're in this mindset, let alone be conscious of your own ideas and emotions. You are essentially in survival mode.
Breathing deeply here will be really beneficial. The parasympathetic nervous system, also known as your "rest-and-digest mode," is triggered by breathing and allows your body to relax and regain its balance.
You might find it useful to carry out this exercise five or more times, or until there is some level of calm:
- Inhale while counting to 4
- Hold while counting to 4
- Exhale while counting to 4
- Hold while counting to 4
This is called the box breathing exercise. There are others, I may talk about sometime.
Practice deep breathing regularly to gain control of your emotions, relax or even fall asleep.
Allow Yourself Some Space.
It's not healthy to completely block or avoid feelings, but it's also okay to divert your attention from them until you're in a better position to deal with them. And make sure you handle them.
According to Botnick, separating yourself from strong emotions can help you ensure that you're responding to them rationally.
Physical separation, such as leaving a distressing circumstance, could be this distance. But by diverting your attention, you can also establish some mental distance.
You can try:
Taking a walk
Talking to a loved one
Spending a few minutes with your pet
Just step away for a while, until you feel okay to engage!
Sensory Grounding.
"Grounding" is a way of connecting with or "grounding" yourself in the here and now. They are essentially a kind of mindfulness, which has been proven to be effective in treating a wide range of mental health issues.
It could be challenging to remain mindful of your body or your surroundings while your emotions are running high. Grounding, if at all possible, helps you focus on your five senses.
One grounding exercise you can try is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique.” The goal is to name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste.
After completing the exercise, you will have given yourself a temporary break from the stressor and enabled your parasympathetic nervous system to function.
Practice Mindfulness.
According to Peck, mindfulness has been proven to literally modify matter in your brain. “Our brains have neuroplasticity, which means that they can change and grow and adapt depending on how we use them.”
According to a 2019 study, among other advantages, meditating for 13 minutes per day for 8 weeks boosted people's mood and emotional control.
If meditation is not your thing, other alternatives include yoga, gardening, tai chi, etc.
Challenging Your Thoughts.
This is based on the assumption that thoughts affect feelings, and feelings affect behaviour. And thus to change your behaviour, begin with your thoughts.
You may find it beneficial to use cognitive reappraisal to question unreasonable thoughts if they are giving you emotional pain. Thoughts like: "nobody cares bout me", "I am all alone in the World", "nothing I do works", etc.
“Sometimes, I have my clients put their negative or threatening thoughts on trial,” says Benach. “I’ll ask questions like: Is there any evidence that supports this? Are there times when this thought is not true? Will this matter a day/week/month/year from now?”
Do not be scared to challenge your thoughts, they are sometimes irrational.
Journaling.
When you journal every day, it is most beneficial. Keep a journal close by and record strong feelings or emotions as they arise. Try to keep track of your reaction and the triggers. It helps you reflect.
It is possible to find any disruptive patterns by writing down your feelings and the reactions they cause.
It also aids in identifying the situations that lead to emotions that are more difficult to manage, such as difficulties at work or family conflicts. Finding precise triggers enables the development of more effective management techniques.
Journaling helps you sort of pour out your feelings on paper while reflecting on the process.
Get a Journal!
Seek Professional Help!
If your feelings are still too much for you to handle, it might be time to get some professional help. You don’t have to go through it alone.
Therapy is a fantastic setting to work on this since when we are struggling, we cannot see the entire picture. Your therapist can assist you in unravelling your triggers and addressing any lingering trauma that might be causing them.
Unmanaged emotions can linger and lead to mood issues, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. A therapist can provide you with sympathetic, nonjudgmental support.
Seek professional support if you need to!
MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS – Let’s Recap!
1. Identify What You are Feeling
2. Instead of Suppression, Strive for Regulation
3. Practice Deep Breathing
4. Allow Yourself Some Space
5. Practice Sensory Grounding
6. Practice Mindfulness
7. Challenging your Thoughts
8. Practice Journaling
9. Seek Professional Help
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Now, just as promised. I have a free ebook for you titled: Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings by Thibaut Meurisse.
To get it, send an email requesting the book to psychphidims@gmail.com, and you will receive it in no time!